??? part 2

Yeah, I'm really sorry I can't be more detailed but I only get to play internet for a few minutes at a time.

Actually, the marriage isn't over. He doesn't want it to be because he doesn't want the rest of his life ruined by child support and alimony. (SO romantic, no?) So all I want to do is stay in bed and stare at the ceiling and he's constantly bugging me to talk about my feelings and I'm ready to go apeshit crazy because really? I'm not so much for the talking about the feelings. He doesn't understand the depression and craziness and I don't feel like explaining it - hey, there's a feeling.

Also I have this crazy urge to call the guy he caught me with to see if he's still alive. He got hit in the face and head about twenty times with a Maglite, so it's possible he isn't, and I'd like to know if I'm some sort of accessory to murder. You know?

???

What a week.

He caught me going at it with is (now former) best friend. It was bad. The blood was not figurative, it was real and very very hard to get out of the white carpet. I had a bleach buzz for hours. He went to his dad's house, where he was talked out of returning to kill me (he really wanted to, apparently) which made my decision to go hide at a friend's house a good one in hindsight.

He came back, though, and he made me promise to get counseling and to quit drinking and you know what? I want to do those things but I don't really know if I want to do it for the purpose of having him back. I really just want to stay in bed for ten years or so.